Gone in an instant

This has been a very sad time in my family’s lives.  My father’s cancer has gotten the better of him.  He is very weak and hasn’t been able to walk in a month and a half.  He lives in his bedroom—either on the bed or the recliner.  Someone has to be with him all day.  Since I live with him, I get the bulk of it.  I am getting help from my sister and my brother’s family.  He doesn’t want any outsiders helping him.  We do have hospice assisting us.

This has cut into my riding.  I still ride, but less often and the rides are shorter.  My time with my boyfriend is limited to riding together and when he visits me at my house.  I don’t even get to see my sister enough.  She is working weekends, now, so she can be on Dad Watch a couple days during the week.  I take a couple vacation days every week, too, just to stay home.  I do a lot of gardening, the dog is getting a better walks and I read.  Thunder the Wonder Cat, loves having me home so much.  He’s the only one happy with the situation.

My sister and I have both learned to never take anything for granted, again.  I never was one to do that in the first place, but now I realize that it applies to EVERYTHING.  Our lives have been turned upside down.  I have learned to appreciate any horse time I can get.  I am even enjoying the chores at the barn more than ever.  I like going to work, too, since I can’t go as often as before.  But it is more than that.  I have seen what has happened to my father.  I have learned to appreciate walking, looking out the windows, eating a big meal, taking a shower and stepping outside the door.  These are things he hasn’t been able to do.  He took them for granted, too.

He would love to look at the garden I spent so much time taking care of—and he would love to be able to eat more of the produce I am harvesting.  The appetite isn’t there, anymore, and food doesn’t taste right.

As I walk down the driveway to get the paper in the morning, something that used to be his job, I look at all the lovely trees and I notice their beauty.  I never paid attention to them, before.  They were just the trees I saw every day.  They look different to me now; because I know the ability to see them could be gone, in an instant.