Gone in an instant
This has been a very sad time in my family’s lives. My father’s cancer has gotten the better of him. He is very weak and hasn’t been able to walk in a month and a half. He lives in his bedroom—either on the bed or the recliner. Someone has to be with him all day. Since I live with him, I get the bulk of it. I am getting help from my sister and my brother’s family. He doesn’t want any outsiders helping him. We do have hospice assisting us.
This has cut into my riding. I still ride, but less often and the rides are shorter. My time with my boyfriend is limited to riding together and when he visits me at my house. I don’t even get to see my sister enough. She is working weekends, now, so she can be on Dad Watch a couple days during the week. I take a couple vacation days every week, too, just to stay home. I do a lot of gardening, the dog is getting a better walks and I read. Thunder the Wonder Cat, loves having me home so much. He’s the only one happy with the situation.
My sister and I have both learned to never take anything for granted, again. I never was one to do that in the first place, but now I realize that it applies to EVERYTHING. Our lives have been turned upside down. I have learned to appreciate any horse time I can get. I am even enjoying the chores at the barn more than ever. I like going to work, too, since I can’t go as often as before. But it is more than that. I have seen what has happened to my father. I have learned to appreciate walking, looking out the windows, eating a big meal, taking a shower and stepping outside the door. These are things he hasn’t been able to do. He took them for granted, too.
He would love to look at the garden I spent so much time taking care of—and he would love to be able to eat more of the produce I am harvesting. The appetite isn’t there, anymore, and food doesn’t taste right.
As I walk down the driveway to get the paper in the morning, something that used to be his job, I look at all the lovely trees and I notice their beauty. I never paid attention to them, before. They were just the trees I saw every day. They look different to me now; because I know the ability to see them could be gone, in an instant.